What My Landlord Doesn't Know
by Pinnacle of Madness
Summary: Welcome to Konoha apartments! Our primary features include peaceful gardens, friendly neighbors, and polite staff. With our spontaneously combusting daisies, psychotic residents, and a 'troublesome, suspicious landlord', who WOULDN'T want to live here?


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but an over-active imagination and this (not-so-)crappy computer. This includes the characters of Naruto, any plot-devices of or derived from Naruto, or any common Naruto pairings found in fan fiction. I also don't own Kagome, and I don't own the apartment complex found next to Konohagakure. That complex is in possession of my good friend **PrInCeSs.Of.ShArInGaN**.

**Author Notes:** Hey, everyone! Yes, I know I really shouldn't be writing another story, but too bad. Life's a bitch, and so am I, right? Right. --clears throat-- Anyway, this little tidbit came to me in the form of a miniature cow named Tae-Bo. The owner of this miniature cow, Niya (**PrInCeSs.Of.ShArInGaN**), isn't supposed to have a cat. I was thinking of this, and... Well, I won't waste space here. I'll write it out somewhere else. No, I'm not stealing Niya's idea, I gave her permission to write an InuYasha version. She just happened to post her story first. The idea is originally mine, though I'm sure there are similar stories out there. This story will take place mainly in the apartments. It's not a hardcore story with a well thought-out plot and hours spent figuring out exactly how the time line will work, and there's sure to be mistakes. This is just a small project that I'm going to be writing on the side.

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**Chapter 1 - Welcome to Konohagakure; Please Think Through Any Decisions With Great Care Before Making Any Purchases**

Though usually not one to show human emotion, Sasuke couldn't help but grin at the thought of how his life seemed to be turning around for the better.

It had all started when he and his father got into a huge fight. Fugaku was trying to subtly hint that some slutty blonde bimbo who was the daughter of this and that person who owned such and such company would be the perfect person to spend the rest of his life with. Oh, and did Sasuke mention he was doing an absolutely terrible job at being subtle? Yeah, he was pretty sure he had mentioned it. Trying to hint to his father that he wanted to find his own damn wife, not to mention do so later in life when he wasn't still in his second year of University, Fugaku had blown up at him, saying Sasuke was _his_ son and the inheritor of his company and that marrying the bimbo would increase his ties and that as his father, Sasuke should listen to him. Sasuke then made the mistake of mentioning Itachi's name.

Itachi, his older brother, was a strictly taboo subject in their house. Itachi was originally going to be the one to inherit the company and everything from their father, but when Sasuke was fourteen, just after Itachi turned eighteen he, to use the well-known phrase, 'came out of the closet', and Fugaku was rather old-fashioned in more ways than one.

Sasuke himself had actually known for a while that his brother was gay. Though Itachi had always been a little insane (no doubt from the complicated mathematical figures forced upon him when he was three, putting aside the fact that he was a genius), the brothers had been very close, and it really _was_ rather hard for Sasuke to miss the fact that the porn found in every teenage boy's room was, in fact, full of guys. Of course, Itachi did finally sit him down and tell him everything (_everything_. Even at nineteen, Sasuke was still wondering if his parents thought he was never going to have sex, because they had never once uttered the word in his presence. Or Itachi's, for that matter, Itachi mentioned that a friend's older brother had been the one to explain it), and Sasuke quickly figured out that nothing changed between either of them and accepted his brother's preference very easily. So, nothing came as a shock to him, really, other than everyone else's reactions. Itachi revealed it at a very important family get-together (in a speech form, with literally everyone's focus on him), and Fugaku exploded. Shouted that Itachi was to get out and never come near his family again because Itachi was no son of his. Itachi complied and later told Sasuke in a letter that he had actually planned the whole thing as a way to get the fuck away from their messed-up family without committing any crimes. Besides, he had really wanted to see the look on father's face when he told him.

Their father eventually began intercepting any mail from Itachi and burned it all, so Sasuke sneaked a quick letter to Itachi, telling him that he probably shouldn't bother writing. Sasuke hadn't spoken to his brother in four years, and now had no idea where he lived.

Sasuke had informed his father during their argument that he was only Itachi's replacement and that he would've gotten to marry anyone he wanted to if Fugaku hadn't unofficially disowned him, so what did he care? His father informed him that he was not to mention that name under his roof, to which Sasuke replied that _Itachi _was his brother and he'd fucking say _Itachi_'s name all he bloody well wanted to. His father told him he'd be going the same way as Itachi if he kept that up because after all, who had paid for his food and put clothing on his back and a roof over his head? Who paid for his education, even now? Sasuke shouted he could keep everything, ran into his room and slammed the door, packed that night, and escaped through the window early the next morning, not wanting to risk possible confrontation with his timid yet sweet mother who would undoubtedly manage to convince him to stay.

Luckily he had had various jobs for a while as a teenager, and therefore enough saved up to last him a few months, so he crashed at a various friends' houses for a couple weeks, all the while looking for a cheap place to stay until he found a decently paying job. After finding one at a local Co-op and another one restocking books at a bookstore, he found a really cheap (and absolutely terrible) place to live while he went to class. Luckily everything had already been paid for in advance at the University, so Sasuke had little to worry about.

It was now four months since the fight. Sasuke had just been browsing a newspaper at his favorite café, bored out of his mind, when he had caught sight of the ad squished into a small box in the corner of the page, almost unnoticeable, for an apartment complex called Konohagakure. From what Sasuke could tell from that small ad, it seemed like a nice enough place. When he noticed the price range written in very small letters, his eyes widened. This would be almost as cheap as his own rundown apartment! He quickly called the number listed and made arrangements to meet with the manager almost immediately.

The manager was a very nice but firm woman named Tsunade. She seemed a little nervous when he asked why she seemed so tired and kept falling asleep on the desk, but Sasuke was polite an didn't press for an answer. He went and saw the apartment being rented, Apt. 13. Sasuke laughed a little at that, then after touring decided he liked what he saw in the one-bedroom apartment and that he'd take it. After discussing price and rules for an hour or so, Sasuke left to go home to his not-going-to-be-his-for-much-longer apartment and fell straight into bed, not even undressing, asleep before his head hit the pillows.

---

Sasuke, though normally greeting the coming day with a scowl, clenched eyes, and a muffled murmer of, "Five more minutes," issuing from beneath the blankets, leapt out of bed in the early morning, greeting the day with a whoop of joy, only to be reminded of the paper-thinness of the walls when his neighbors banged on them, yelling at him to shut up. In Arabic. This, of course, did nothing to deter Sasuke, who simply yelled back an apology (yet another of the frequent Apocalyptic events that seemed to be taking place as of recent), then began toasting bread and preparing a pot of coffee, all the while doing a happy dance in his head.

However, it didn't take all that long for Sasuke to get back into his usual bad mood. All he had to do was go to work... Kami only knows how much his female coworkers flirt with him... It's enough to put anyone in a bad mood. Now, the occasional male coworker... Even if his brother was gay, that was still a bit scary.

"Ne, Sasuke!" called Nakamura Ayumi, one of the younger Co-op workers, as she batted her eyelashes at him and smiled a sugary smile. "D'you think you can hold this ladder steady for me?" Sasuke groaned, but, knowing his was a little on-edge with his boss, ran to help, all the while trying his best not to look up her disgracefully short skirt, knowing he might just vomit on the spot if he did.

---

It was needless to say (though notice I'm telling you anyway) that Sasuke was tremendously happy when moving day came for him. Sure, it didn't solve his work problems (poor Sasuke), but it definitely put him in a better mood. Though it meant more work, it also meant not having to let his morning shower run ten minutes prior just to get the water running clear (as for whatever else might be in the water and just not coloring it, Sasuke preferred to remain ignorant), nor having to wash his sink before washing his dishes, not to mention being able to actually use the laundry room in the apartments instead of having to drive two miles (I'm sure none of us want to know what happened when he first tried to use the laundry room at his old apartment. He threw out those clothes, that's all you need to know).

The apartment was rather plain, but nice. The walls were a white semi-gloss paint and the carpet was a nice, calming peach color. There were a few stains here and there, but Sasuke didn't exactly entertain much, so this was of little consequence. There was a living room, a kitchen with an oven, stove, and cabinets, a small bedroom, and a bathroom with a toilet, sink, shower, and bathtub (the latter two were, of course, together). There was a pleasant smattering of windows and a heater/AC. There was even a lounge downstairs by the office for the occupants to intermingle.

After first unloading the necessities (futon, desk, etc.), Sasuke stepped back to admire his work, leaving all the unpacked boxes in places around the rooms to serve as items he was too lazy to take out of them and put together. Therefore, his home ended up looking rather... mixed. Especially the good-quality coffee table and comfy chair, surrounded by three boxes being used as other chairs. Then there was the TV in his bedroom being supported by a box, and the bedside table next to his futon being a box. It was actually rather amusing if you really stopped to look at it all.

He was broken from his thoughts at the knock on his door. Turning away from his living room with a shake of his head, Sasuke walked over to the door and opened it. Just over the threshold stood a spiky-haired blond with blue eyes and strange lines on his cheeks. The blond smiled.

"Hey," he said in a scratchy alto voice, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I live a couple doors down. I was taking out my trash when I noticed you, and I just thought I'd come say hi. I brought some of the brownies that Ino baked for me," here he gestured to a plate covered in a layer of plastic-wrap, "and, well, I just thought I'd introduce myself, since I've got nothing to do for the next few hours."

Sasuke surveyed him critically for a couple minutes, then just as Naruto began fidgeting under his gaze, Sasuke uttered the words, "I don't like sweets." At that, Naruto laughed nervously, reaching to scratch the back of his head out of habit.

"Well," he tried, "I'll bring you some sushi next time I see you, ne?"

Sasuke gazed at him for another moment, then nodded and stepped aside. Naruto took the silent cue to step inside, then waited for Sasuke to invite him to sit. Sasuke did so after closing the door behind Naruto, then walked into the kitchen, then called, "Tea?"

"Yes, please," Naruto called back.

While waiting for the water to boil, Sasuke contemplated what he could about his apparent neighbor. He really hadn't thought much on the subject of possible neighbors when he was looking at the apartment. Naruto seemed friendly enough, though he seemed to babble a tad bit. Still, nice enough. Sasuke just sighed, poured the water into a teapot with green tea leaves, then brought it out of a tray with two cups. Naruto hadn't moved from the cardboard box, perhaps sensing the kind of person Sasuke was. At least he was respectful of his property, not to mention he had taken Sasuke's dislike of sweets into stride and offering a replacement... er, offering instead of insisting he eat, or worse, whining and becoming sad. As he set the tea down on the coffee table (wait, isn't that redundant?), Sasuke's approval rose a bit.

"So, you still haven't introduced yourself," Naruto mentioned, pulling his brownies closer. "May I?"

Sasuke nodded before replying, "Indeed, I have not," as Naruto pulled back the plastic to take a bite of one of the brownies. A tense silence filled the room, and Sasuke held back a smirk. He could practically feel Naruto sweating.

"Uh, so, what's your name?" Naruto asked.

"Sasuke," he replied, leaving it at that.

Naruto nodded, then asked, "So, where were you before here?"

"Another apartment." Sasuke was enjoying himself.

"Er, why'd you move?"

"My previous apartment was inadequate." He had long ago chosen to remain a man of few words, and if he was going to do so, why not have fun with it?

"Er, right. Me, too. Do you have family?"

"Yes."

"That's nice. I don't."

"I'm sorry." Damn, Naruto was figuring out how to conduct a conversation with him.

"Do you know anyone else here? You know, other than me?"

"No."

"Okay, then I'll tell you about them!"

"Fine." If that gets you to stop asking useless questions.

"Right, where to start? It's not too big a complex, so everybody knows everyone. First, in number 15, to your right, there's Hyuuga Neji. Apparently his family's really rich and powerful. I think Neji just really can't stand most of them. His cousin visits a lot, though. Then to the right of him is Sabaku no Gaara. He's got a brother and a sister who live on the first and third floor named Kankuro and Temari respectively. No one's quite sure about their family name or why they all live in the same complex, but nobody asks them. They're just too creepy. Well, Kankuro and Gaara are, anyway. Temari's just scary. Kankuro's got some home business about dolls and puppets, and Gaara's just weird. To Gaara's right is 19, Akamichi Chouji. He's kinda fat (don't say that around him), but he's really friendly and good for a conversation if you're bored or something. In the apartment to your left, number 11, is Deidara. No one's quite sure what he does, and no one really wants to know, though I once saw a bunch of clay sculptures in his house when he was coming out, so I think he's some kind of artist. There are always weird explosions coming from his room at random times of day, even in the middle of the night, so I hope you're not a light sleeper, or easily startled. Across the hallway from Deidara in number 12 is Haku. Haku's only a couple years older than me, and he's really nice. He looks and dresses a lot like a girl, though. In fact, I thought he _was_ a girl when I first saw him. Then I accidentally walked in on him just as he got out of the shower... In 14 is Sakura. She gets annoyed at me a bit easily, but she's nice enough. Next to her is Ino. Ino's really nice - she's the one who made me the brownies! She's my age, but she acts like she's my mother. Never really had a family, though, so I can't really complain... Then in 18 is this weird guy. He's really antisocial, and really snappy on the rare occasion that he actually talks, though I think I've seen him talking to Deidara and Kisame. I can't remember his name, but I know it's some kind of animal like a badger, or maybe a rat?"

"Those names are more commonly girl names," Sasuke noted, trying to take in everything. Hey, you never know when you need to know somebody.

"Yeah, well, Chouji's a boy, isn't he? Anyway, so I really don't know much about him. Number 20 is me.

"Next is the first floor. Number 1 is Jiraiya. I call him ero-sennin 'cause he's a pervert. He spies on girls in the bath at every available moment. There's this rumor going around that he tried to spy on Haku, then wouldn't come out of his apartment for a week. Haku won't say if it's true or not, but he bursts into giggles every time someone brings it up, so I think at least some small part of it is true. 3 is Genma. Genma's also a pervert, but only a verbal pervert. Anything and everything is suggestive in his eyes, no matter what gender you are. Number 5 is this really crazy guy. He's got this crazy bowl-cut and these eyebrows that remind me of caterpillars. They're, like, as thick as my thumb. Also, he wears the same outfit every day: this green spandex... _thing_ with an orange thing wrapped around his shins. It's really creepy. 7 is this creepy dude named Ibiki, but he's cool when he wants to be. We think he used to be in a gang or the army or something when he was younger, 'cause he's literally covered in scars. Everywhere you'll find a scar, and I mean _everywhere_." Sasuke immediately decided he would forever put that fact out of his mind.

"Apartment 9 is Asuma. He's also pretty cool. Smokes a bit too much for anyone's comfort, but he's really nice and very blunt. He doesn't beat around the bush at all. Shikamaru swears he once saw Asuma looking up 'subtle' in a dictionary after he was asked if he knew the meaning. 2 is Ebisu. He's also a pervert. He's really smart 'cause he's got a bunch of degrees or something, but he's still a pervert. He has this cool nephew named Konohamaru (name similarity to this complex's name is pure coincidence), and Konohamaru doesn't like him either. 4 is some American dude named Dave Wattebren or something. He's better at listening than speaking Japanese, so you won't hear him say much outside of, 'Hi, I'm Dave,' or whatever he'll say when he first meets you. 6 is Kankuro. Y'know, Gaara's creepy older brother? With the dolls? 8 is Lee. He's basically a mirror image of Gai, except thirteen years younger or so. 10 is Anko, and much as she has a shitty past, she's so fucking awesome. Really cheerful.

"Finally is the third floor. Apartment 21 is Raidou, and he's pretty cool. He and Genma are really good friends. 23 is Sasori. Sasori gets along pretty well with Kankuro 'cause they both do pretty much the same thing to make a living, only Sasori's twice as creepy. He's fifty-three, but he looks like he's still seventeen or something. 25 is Temari. 27 is Shikamaru. He's about the laziest ass you will ever meet, and he's always complaining about something, especially the stains on his carpet." For some reason Naruto shuddered, but he continued on just as quickly.

"29 is Iruka. Iruka's really nice. Like, if Ino is my surrogate mother, he's my surrogate father. He's got this weird scar across his nose, though. He's a bit over a decade older than me. 22 is Tenten. She's got this fascination with weapons, and she's an expert at using them, too. She's really friendly, unless you annoy her. 24 is Kurenai. I don't know her all that well, but she's sweet, and she's really pretty. 26 is Kiba. Kiba ignores any no-pet rules. He's got a dog named Akamaru and he's got some small dog-watching business going on, so it may occasionally get kinda loud at night. He's really annoying himself, sometimes. 28 is Shino. Shino also ignores the no-pets rule, only his so-called 'pets' are, well, bugs. ONLY bugs, and lots of them, too. Hell, his life practically revolves around them, and he never leaves the apartment without one or two on his shoulders, crawling all over him. 30 is Kakashi. He's OK, he just never takes his nose out of those boring books of his.

"Also, the Administration Office is on the first floor, laundry is on this floor, and the Lounge is on the third."

They both fell silent as Sasuke finished taking this all in. _Wow_, he thought. _If I had known I was in for all this, I would've waited to save up a bit more and move to the complex next to this one. At least that one had some semi-decent-looking people in it._ Then he remembered walking by it late at night and hearing two people arguing in their balconies over some chick named Kagome. In fact, he vaguely recalled one of them calling the other "wolf-shit". _On second thought, I'm happy enough here._ Outwardly, Sasuke nodded to show Naruto he had taken it all in and understood. Naruto smiled a friendly smile and went off on some random rant about ramen flavors. _I guess everything's going to turn out fine._

Alas, if his life was truly to be simple, nice, and quiet, this story would never be interesting. Sorry, Sasuke, but you've never been more wrong.


End file.
